How many times have you seeked to find yourself? And more importantly, how often do you succeed?
There is no correct answer to the aspect of finding yourself, and no set time limit in which you should. It’s ironic how we waste time searching when we should spend time learning. Learning about ourselves. Again, is it not ironic how you need to go and “find” yourself when you are right here? Right here being, introspectively, right here being, subjectively, right here being, looking into yourself - instead of someone else. As Maria Abramovic said: “True beauty is a conscious mind”
The journey in finding yourself should not be limited, finding yourself is an extensive process that according to www.mindbodygreen.com is a 6 step process where you as an individual would need to connect to your core, but this does not refer to core days at the gym, that leave you in fear of laughing, coughing or just general breathing, but, rather, looking from within as to who you really are? What exactly are YOUR views? Do you stand for something? Or fall for everything?
Acceptance is another very important aspect of this journey, you will find yourself in situations that are not beneficial, but more times than not, necessary. I’m not saying accept your ex-boyfriend’s friend-request on Facebook, I’m saying; accept the things that cannot be changed, while working on those that can. The less time you spend forcing change, the less time you will have to watch Game of Thrones.
You should grow in knowing that sometimes it is okay to be a little selfish in putting yourself and your needs first. At this point in your life it should no longer be necessary to entertain people in order for them to stay in your life. As the great Madea once said (You know you have to read this next quote in her voice) : “If somebody wants to walk out of your life, LET. THEM. GO. Whatever they are running after… They will see what they had in a minute, but by then it is going to be too late.” It is so very important to put your worth before the judgment of anyone else’s. Empower yourself by focusing on your growth. It’s okay to say no to the Wednesday night, due to a test, assignment or exam, De Lapa is not going anywhere.
As a womxn, you need to accept that as hard as you try to make those new clothes work, that new hair suit you or try to get certain individuals to like you, you will never match up to someone else’s standard of beauty, so it is required of you to set your own. Now in doing so, you’re going to meet various obstacles and you are going to stumble, but as the great Malcom X once said, “Stumbling does not mean falling.” You are going to encounter extreme struggles in accepting not only your inner beauty, but also your exterior. Many people do not like what they see in the physical mirror, but fail to see that, that which is in the mirror, is the person they will admire most, maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow but in due time! And girl, is that a fulfilling experience! Accepting all that you are is being a womxn comfortable in your own skin. In doing so however, it is of utmost importance that you accept yourself, and that you focus on your personal, emotional and physical growth.
It is never a good thing to use people, but in the process of finding your identity and what works for you, it is okay to use other womxn, be it friends or family, as a mirror. A mirror into which you look to see yourself and others around you, you know that, “show me your friends and I will tell you who you are” sort of thing. Those who you associate yourself with has a great deal in finding yourself. People may bring burdens which are heavy. Heavier than you need to carry. It is therefore essential for you to surround yourself with friends who support you and your cause, who share your vision and who want to help you in your process, because empowered womxn empower womxn. It is essential for you to choose wisely as to whose burdens you are willing to help carry. Having a strong friendship with even one or three people is so important because as Malcom X preached: “When I is replaced with we, even illness becomes wellness”. Unfortunately, however at a university level we still have individuals roaming around with a “high school” mentality, where what you wear and where you come from determines whether or not you may be accepted into that little cult and more times than not end up in a situation you would much rather not want to be in, having you playing Drake’s Fake Love at full blast at the end of that day. Now beautiful womxn reading this today, as an empowered young womxn who has been in this type of friendship I would just like to hand you a pair of scissors today by way of this article, in order for you to cut those people off. ALL THE WAY OFF.
All of this is easier said than done, I realise. And it also takes a great deal of time to find who you are in your everyday life. BUT it will happen. Do not be weary because you are still feel lost, be willing because you are still lost. As my soul queen, Erykah Badu once said, “Write down your goals, on some real paper, with a real pen and watch things get really real”. Be willing to learn, experience and overcome different circumstances and situations because life happens, and it will continue happening. Remember, only dead fish go with the flow. I know it sounds clichéd, but confidence is key. Be confident in who you are, your ethnicity, background, where your come from, your cause and everything in between. Take pride in who you are, glorify and stand up for what you believe in, because even if the next person does not believe in it, at least you do. Always be hopeful today for a greater tomorrow and actively participate in shaping YOUR future. Dr Martin Luther King Jnr once said: “Faith is taking the first step, even when you don’t see the whole staircase”. Don’t ever be afraid to take the next step, regardless of how high, because it’s not about “what if I fall”, darling, it’s about “what if you fly”.